Coffee & Honeycomb

Welcome to the first of "31 DAYS OF BELOVEDNESS." 
(I talked about it a bit here.) 

There are just some things, or more specifically, truths, I want more of in my life. Things I want to learn, understand, soak, and this month it's about our belovedness. I'm not here to educate or preach, I'm here to walk and wrestle and chew — and I invite you into the process.

This is day one.

I wanted to start the series just by acknowledging who we are, children of God, and praising the only one who can give us that identity. 

The song is "TIl I see you" by Hillsong. An involuntary groan comes out when I listen to these lyrics. It is the current echo of my heart:

Lately, I feel the Lord pressing the idea of community onto my heart. Stories of strong friendship, powerful conversations, shoulders rubbing, and moments of breaking bread linger with me throughout an entire day. I find myself asking and wondering more and more what a good community is supposed to look like... I imagine that community to be a living room or a coffee shop, a space that feels so safe and accepting that hands held over hearts are removed and left to breathe and bleed all over the coffee table. A space where the brothers/sisters can feel known, loved, and accepted. Am I in one? Does my presence help cultivate one?

With school starting up again, I am in a new season of my life and with each passing day, we leave transition mode and enter daily routine. It is my final year on campus and that thought brings out a sense of anxiety and urgency in me. It reminds me how quickly time flies and that time is never in my control. Knowing that, as I plan for the day, the month, the semester, I want to live with intention and gratitude. And as I pray for this upcoming semester, I ask God the same question day after day: what does faithfulness look like for me in this season right now? Who am I called to love and what will that love look like? How can I be a better steward? And knowing that I am effective as much as I soak in Your presence and your love, how can I claim your promises and truths today? 

I guess all I'm asking is what role will I play and where will He lay his hand in my life in this season...

But the word that just LINGERS in my heart and my prayer is community. This notion of friendship and intimacy... It all sounds so risky. Besides, I've never been good at maintaining friendships. I'm good at leaving and protecting and hiding, but I was never too good at being present. A pastor once said, "we don't love because it's comfortable for us, but we love so that others may know the comfort of knowing Jesus." 

I'm reading Job right now and if you are unfamiliar with the book, it is about this great, God-fearing man who is tested and stripped of all his earthly possessions to see if he still says faithful to God. At this point, his friends come to pay a visit...

Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that had come upon him, they came each from his own place, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite, and Zophar the Naamathite. They made an appointment together to come to show him sympathy and comfort him. And when they saw him from a distance, they did not recognize him. And they raised their voices and wept, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads toward the heaven. And they sat with him on the ground seven days and seven nights, and no one spoke a word to him, for they saw his suffering was very great." — JOB 2:1-13 (ESV)  

I love this picture of friendship. I think it's so beautiful and selfless... I think this is the picture of "community" that I'm holding onto, and as much as I desire to have that community surrounding me, I also desire to be that kind of community for someone else. I think that is what God is calling me to be right now — a friend. A friend who goes out of his/her way to sympathize and comfort... A friend who weeps and laments with them and sits with them all because they simply see the hurt and see the need.

I think God wants me to experience that comfort and intimacy, and he also wants to use me to be that comfort and intimacy for someone else. And although a role of a friend was always challenging for me to uphold in the past, I think the Lord has really been opening my eyes and softening my heart to see the hurt and the need of others... I want to learn how to love others, regardless of my comfort, but so that they may know the comfort of knowing Jesus.

May I learn to be a friend, as Jesus was a friend first to me.

I often hear my friends get into conversations about body image. That conversation in "Mean Girls" is NO JOKE.
It's a poke at society, but it's an honest one.

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. - PROVERBS 31:30

"I think the first real change in women's body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom - Beyonce brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes were beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I'm totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. [...] The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling." 

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. - PSALM 139:14

God says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (: Do you believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that the only eyes that matter are the Lord's? I hope so because it's true. It's a truth that I'm still digesting and praying for more of each day.


DOWNLOAD INSTRUCTIONS: Right click on the image below and click on "open in new tab." This will give you access to the image's full size. Once you are there, right click + save, or directly drag it onto your desktop. Then, make it your wallpaper! 1, 2, 3! (:

One of my favorite aspects about journaling is that afterwards, you are left with a collection of all your old thoughts, agendas, and insights. Our ability to retain information and memories is slimmer than we'd like to believe, and a record of old words serve as a time portal back into the yesterday's. Past journals offer perspective: a better understanding of where you are going and an attitude of thankfulness for how you have gotten there.

I looked back at all my journal entires of July on the train one day, and I was shocked of how eventful the month was without even realizing it. As I knew it, another month had just came and went. Weekends seemed too quick and workdays were too long, but as I read through my prayers and recollections, I was reminded of both little and big things that had taken place. I was filled with thankfulness and inspiration. It was cool. (:

Here is a peek at some of my journal entries: (click to enlarge)



If you don't journal already, I encourage you try it for the month of August! If you have ever asked yourself if God's hand is  present in your life, this might help you. Journaling forces you to slow down, and in those moments of reflections is when God's presence is evident.  You see the promises the Lord has declared over you, and how they are personally manifesting in your life! God is always, always working, slow down or you might miss it.

Journal about anything and everything. (: Talk about the highlights of your days and your weeks, and even vent about the worries that consume your heart. Share your blessings and express your wishes. God hears all of it. I believe that putting language to your emotions has the ability to pull them from the depths and hidden corners of your heart, onto the surface where it's accessible to be touched, processed, and communicated. And when you are able to communicate it with yourself, you are more able to communicate them with God.

Good luck! (:
I'd love to hear your journaling adventures, please share below.

God didn't have to create a world that was so beautiful.

He didn't have to use so many colors and even different shades of those colors. There's turquoise, sapphire, iris, cobalt, violet, teal — and those are just in the blue family. He didn't have to make the sun so bright and radiant that it warms the entire earth and makes the water  sparkle. He didn't have to create a whole new world under that water with sea animals and  vegetation; and in order to witness, we must hold our breath and bring ourselves beneath the surface. He didn't have to make birds sing pleasant melodies and penguins wear chic tuxedos and flowers smell the way they do.

But He did.

He made the world so beautiful that it inspires and awes people daily. He made sunsets so captivating it makes people want to fall in love, and he made starry nights so stunning people spent their lives chasing after that exact scene. He didn't have to, but he did.

And I think that says something about our God. Something indeed.

And you know what is even MORE fascinating?

"The same hands that created all of this, they created you and I. What a beautiful God."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mBaEZ_zb30

Lately, God has been revealing that there is greater joy in loving others than there is in loving myself. I realize how much time and energy I spend on protecting myself — my image, emotions, reputation, pride, comfort level, etc. And the more time I spend on looking at myself, the less I can see others around me. But if I have faith and believe that my God is a God who protects and provides for me, then there is no need to be worrying about myself at all. Now suddenly I have so much more time to see others, help others, love others...

God said HE IS LOVE. And so if love is the language he understands and embodies, the more I love, the more I understand and know that God, too. Thank you, God, for loving me first, so that I can accept, feel, share, and learn more about love a little bit more each day.

"...How much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" -- Matthew 7:11

We asked for a church, and the Lord delivered so much more. (:

Attending a church in Italy -- let alone finding one -- was more challenging than I anticipated. There were travel excursions planned the first three Sundays in Verona, so we went through a hiatus of no communal worship or service, and I could just feel my soul longing community. Fortunately, through a friend who studied in Verona previously, we got in touch with a few American Christian churches in the vicinity.

We decided to check out a home church made up of two American missionary families. They invited us to evening service — and supper, as well! Kind folks they are. (;

Each week we gather in the family room and sing along to the music/slideshow on the tv screen, listen to a sermon, followed by a home-cooked meal. (: Last week we met two hours earlier to spend more time together. We ate bread, drank tea, played board games, and just enjoyed each other's company.

Sundays with these people have been some of my favorite memories while living in Europe. Sometimes I leave church feeling so overwhelmed with the Lord's love shown through these people. I'm learning more and more why the Lord calls the church beautiful and why he stresses the importance of unity and love within it. Time with the body softens our hearts, allows us to be vulnerable, reveals Christ love in the flesh, reminds us of our purpose, fills us with truth, love, and encouragement, and in turn, reenergizes us to be light in our mission field. And that we can't do it on our own, He never intended it that way. We need the body.

Living in Europe — apart from CFC + LWAC — has definitely developed a new appreciation for a church to call home. For services to regularly look forward to. For a community to worship with. For brothers and sisters to walk life with. For the word preached to prune you. For leaders to hold you accountable. For prayer meetings and revivals to remind you that the Lord wants to transform you. Being here has increased my love and appreciation for the body. 

Thank you, Jesus, for your provision. (:

Happy weekend!

I can't believe it's already been a full week since arrival. It feels like time is alwaaays just slipping from our fingers. You walk into one store to look at one thing, you come back out three hours later. A quick bite of gelato? Say good-bye to an hour and a half. Life in Verona is a constant time warp. Or, maybe we're just having too much fun that time is flying by. (; I don't know which is more of the logical conclusion. Anyhoo...

School is now in session so this week was less of the leisure walks and four-hour meals and more... I don't know, school. A very rude awakening that we're not here on just vacation but to "study" abroad. Oh, yeah. Now my days are preoccupied with a four-hour class of Italian 101 from 9am to 1:15pm, followed by a second class from 2pm to 6pm — depending on the day. Classes range from art history, painting, and photography; and each class (usually) only meets once a week. If it is a full day, by the time we get out, the sun has already set and it's time to make dinner and go to bed.

But even class tends to fly by. First off Italian 101 is less of a college lecture, and more of a continuous game of charades fused with pictionary. Can you even imagine such a thing? I mean, it's a room of fourteen people — who are still hungover from the night before and can't communicate in the same language — trying to formulate their thoughts into sentences. Picture that, and you got yourself Italian 101. But really. There's a lot of funny hand gestures, drawings on the white board, exchanges of confused looks and blank stares. It's because the teacher, Elena, speaks solely in Italian as a teaching mechanism to students who don't know a word of the language (minus vino and ciao, of course). Although there is a lot of time spent on guessing more so than understanding, it is pretty effective because it forces us to THINK in Italian. Sometimes it gets confusing because my brain tends to pull together all my random knowledge of Latin, Korean, Spanish, and English, and then attempt to spit out an Italian answer. Yeah, that doesn't work out too well. The second the languages seem to have distinct rules separating each other, they share the same word for bathroom or cat, tricking you all over again. Over all though, it's a really enjoyable period because everyone in the class is eager to learn the language and is pretty cooperative.

Despite all those hours of sitting in class, no worries, we still manage to have our fun. Something new is always going on — a birthday, a special at a nearby bar, a burning of a witch, a chocolate festival, etc. It's like we're in Italy or something. For example, this week, our teachers took us to a random cafe in between classes for spritzers which was definitely a change of pace. And on Wednesday I took a class on how to make nutella!

My friend Debbie, back at home, told us that she hates words — and the English language in general — so I should stop vomiting now and just throw in some pics for her easy eyes to enjoy. Here we go, Debbie.

Highlights of the week:

Attended a witch burning, which is a tradition in Italy, symbolizing a new year — along with a really long back story. 
We went out to dinner to celebrate the lovely Lauren's 21st birthday. Birthday girl below.

La pizza in its maximum glory. MMmmMmMmMm.

Attended the chocolate festival where all these local shops set up booths to sell their different slabs of chocolates and products.
The most delicious plastic cup of strawberries + nutella + cream. I've been deprived of produce for so long that these juicy, fresh strawberries shocked all my taste buds because they forgot what anything besides carbs or chocolate tasted like.

Truffels on hard bread. 





This man was doing his own little live infomercial. Quite entertaining because really, who would buy this. It costed like 100 euros or something.


It wouldn't be Italy if vino wasn't offered somewhere within a 2 mile radius. Or, should I say kilometers. 




I was THIS close to buying these beautiful chocolate covered heels. But then, I knew I would never be able to eat it because it was pretty to look at, and I would try to bring it back home four months later, whether it was in a solid form or not, and then it would melt all over my suitcase and I'd have to clean it later. And I hate cleaning, so. Just kidding. They were like 20 euros.

Hot Dog ordered one of these things and they were.... the most delicious thing ever. Yup, you got it. You're catching on.

Bought myself a custard-filled croissant because it looked soft and chewy.

My face when I found out it was actually hard and crumbly.


Hot Dog and I went grocery shopping together to cook our first dinner. (: Eurospar is the local grocery store, comparable to a small Jewel.

Literally the most delicious sad we've ever had in our life. Made from scratch, might I add. 


Because I'm blogging so much later than the actual events took place, it's getting much harder to recall different things that happened. Hopefully the pictures of the delicious chocolates kept you interested and distracted you from the lack of (poor) writing. Well, at least now that we have wi-fi in our home, we can expect for some more regular posts with relevant insights!

Thank you for following along on my first week here in Verona — and thank you to those who have been continuously praying for my time here. It's sometimes hard to find time to reflect and meditate when there's always something to do, but the Lord has been placing different issues onto my heart that need to be prayed over. Show grace, seek Him, keep fighting. They're the same prayers, but in a much different context.

It's definitely been a roller coaster week for me, spiritually — I'm wrestling with thoughts that are so new and different to the stuff that I'm so used to, and I'm learning I need to depend on Him in ways I've never thought of. Being without a Christian community, things feel a little unstable as of late. But regardless, I know that God will really expand my heart and eyes to new and better things. I can feel it already, and I get pretty excited.

Thank you again for praying for me and this trip. And let me know how I can pray for you. (:

"Let us acknowledge the Lord; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth." — Hosea 6:3

The Lord truly does answer those who call on Him. I've been searching for truth the past few days,  and the Lord found me in my bitterness and replaced anxiety with a stable ground for my feet to walk on. And for that, I am overwhelmed with thankfulness. I am walking with confidence now— not in my own ability, but in His promise and sovereignty.

Such appropriate news for this time. Finals are approaching and I feel so mentally checked out. But it's time to bring my A game. It's time to persevere.

Good luck to everyone with finals! (:
Remember that you are not consumed, the Lord's compassion never fails.

Just this weekend, our church hosted the annual revival— one weekend of the semester, during midterms, to provide a "retreat" for students. Personally, I was so out of it. Both my head and heart were at such different places that it was hard to just rest during the time of (services, worship, prayer time, etc). I just wanted to lay in my bed, shut my brain off, and watch tv, to be honest. ha. I told you, I'm addicted.

But one thing that I was convicted with and I want to hold onto is that I've become so consumed with being successful and all the means to the end have become a distraction to my walk with God. Being successful and diligent started out as my worship to Him; but along the way, my own selfish desires took over and anxiety grew to its peak. And I grew so consumed that I couldn't even realize that these things were getting in the way of my relationship with God. God says he has big plans for me, and me trying to find identity in my success isn't one of them. when did i become so desperate to be someone. when did i become so desperate to be successful. god desperately wants to give me peace and fulfillment and i'm not letting him. this was a rude awakening. my heart has grown so attached to this worldly measure that i can't even let it go. but i have to, sooner or later.

This is a response to an article I wrote last week tying to this same topic:

This school semester has been very productive and rewarding, but it’s also been filled with anxiety and restlessness. I know the Lord has so graciously opened all these doors for me, but I’ve received all them with self-sufficient and ungrateful hands. I try the best I can in every facet of my life, but there’s no fruit or power present because I’m not dependent on the Lord. I think the author phrases it best when he describes the cause of weariness and burn outs to come “from our inner compulsions coupled with the pressure of circumstance,” not from the Lord. I strain myself to point of exhaustion telling myself that quality time with my God can be pushed back, that I can run off old gas. And I forget that the work itself is neither worship nor pleasing when I try to do it alone. Society tells me independence is an admirable quality, and I so blindly obey. But really, it’s not independence; it’s slavery to the tyranny of the urgent. The author touches upon the fact that since the enemy knows how precious and crucial it is for us to have that personal time with the Lord, he will do anything to keep us away from it. This was a wake up call; how could I forget that in the busiest of times that Satan will try to destroy my relationship with the Lord as well as my effectiveness as I try to build up His kingdom? I just felt so dumb realizing how consumed I was with myself; Jesus was busier than I was but in the midst, he found peace   because each morning he went and prayed. This convicted me to make prayer a priority; P.T. Forsyth said, “the worst sin is prayerlessness,” and I’ve been committing the worst sin of all. Reading the word is not enough, and it’s no wonder there’s a lack of strength present in my life; I need sufficient quality time with the Lord and I need his strength and provision.