Coffee & Honeycomb: grace

Showing posts with label grace. Show all posts

31 DAYS OF BELOVEDNESS

Monday, September 30, 2013

Last week, life was messy. Both literally and emotionally.

I didn't feel like myself at all. There is a part of me that desperately wanted to erase last week and be extra rigid for the next; to plan out every hour and fill every white space in my planner, to clean my desk, organize my inbox, color-code something, anything. Fix something. But I'm trying to fight that control freak in me, the part of me that wants to play god, and just embrace the messiness. Embrace it because this is life, too.

I like to blog when life looks good, and blogging is an avenue to express my gratitude and passion for the little joys in life. It makes me believe life is full of cupcakes, flowers, and clean dishes. And it can be, but life is also messy and difficult and tiring, and that's not something to be ashamed of or ignored. And it's not something to be controlled. It's something to be recognized and acknowledged because it's what makes us human. Life is hard, but it's also sweet. Sweet and human and frail and real.

I think a huge part of this comes from my heritage. Korean culture is very shamed-based one. You only invite people into your life when the house is clean, grades are good, relationships are stable, and blessings are high. So how do people with such a generationally embedded mindset respond to this? They work extra hard, they throw messes behind closed doors, they study day and night, and they put all their weight on these tangible, visible things. Everything else they hide. But this doesn't make people harder workers, it makes us a very fearful group of people. It turns people into a generation who cannot embrace their weakness, or humanness, and forces them to turn away from their identity, hide behind achievements. And I think it's time we talk about it.

I'll start.

This past week I didn't spend as much time with God and I found myself heavy with insecurity, impatience, and uncertainty. Fear was present in my thoughts, and although I couldn't quite pinpoint the reason for it or locate the root, it was there. I could feel its presence swallowing any truth or love that might have once been. My desperation for love and acceptance was obvious and loud.

I learned that when I am not with God, I search for meaning and identity in things that were never meant to give meaning. Like relationships, clothing, grades, media. I noticed myself eagerly looking for someone to affirm me or give me any kind of signal that I was doing okay.

Henri Nouwen said that we can give the gift of belovedness only insofar as we have claimed it for ourselves. We can only give love to the degree that we believe we are loved. I recognized this truth so much in my life this week, and how important it is for me to receive belovedness first, everyday.

People are writing for 31 days. At first, I didn't know if I had a single topic that could be discussed for such an extended period of time, but as I reflected on this week, I realized there is really only one thing to talk about. That underlying everything I say, I"m always saying the same thing, because I really only have one thing to say. It's about our belovedness, that God loves you.

We can hear it, say it, sing it a million times but it never really hits us the way it should. But it's the only thing that matters. It matters so much that it should transform everything about who we are... the way we think, talk, get ready in the morning, laugh... It should radiate from the inside out and bleed into everything we touch.

So that's what I want to write about for the next 31 days. I don't have a lot of answers, but I have a lot of thoughts, experiences, and I want to intentionally chew on it for the month of October. If you'd like to join with me on this journey, discover more of what our belovedness means and looks like in our lives, walk with me and we can learn together. :)

FIND THEM HERE:
DAY ONE : THE GREATEST LOVE
DAY TWO : THE FATHER'S ARMS
DAY THREE : SMALL MIRACLES
DAY FOUR : WHISPERS
DAY FIVE : SHARE A LITTLE LOVE
DAY SIX : EMBRACE LONELINESS
DAY 22 : SIN RUNS DEEP
DAY 23 : I WILL NOT GO UNLESS YOU BLESS ME

LET'S TALK ABOUT BEAUTY. (plus free desktop!)

Saturday, August 10, 2013

I often hear my friends get into conversations about body image. That conversation in "Mean Girls" is NO JOKE.

It's a poke at society, but it's an honest one.

I hear my girlfriends declare new diets, complain about their love handles and blotchy skin, and marvel at Jennifer Aniston's beach bod. Those are my concerns, too. But these thoughts are toxic — toxic to us and toxic to those around us. More importantly, they are not from God.

This summer I worked 50 hours a week. Any time outside of that was sacred for catching up on sleep or just doing things I love. (AKA watching Netflix and eating. Sometimes at the same time.) There was no time to stare at a mirror for an extended period of time or for obsessive self examination. There was barely time to curl my hair in the mornings or pluck my eyebrows. (Do you know how many episodes of "Lost" there are?! Just kidding...) Let me tell you though, it was liberating. I've never felt so free and dare I say it, beautiful.

Without that extra maintenance time, I still liked who I saw in the mirror. On the days I didn't, I just shrugged it off. I would tell myself, you'll get 'em next time, and proceed to scarf a chocolate bar down my throat. (Point of that odd story - I wasn't obsessed with my looks anymore, not that I solved my problems with denial and chocolate. I'm talking about freedom, people.)

Some days I feel like a million bucks - there's an extra skip in my step and I even wink at strangers when I pass them. (Hey, we're being honest right?) On other days, I feel like I'm in debt a million bucks. Make it two million!!! My eyes stay glued to the floor and I fear of being rejected. So why do our moods swing so fast and why can't we feel like a million bucks everyday?

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. - PROVERBS 31:30

If our confidence is in our beauty, then our moods will swing daily. We will never feel like a million bucks everyday. Why? Let me reiterate: Beauty is fleeting.

But that's not all... ~~(If you call right now, you can get 3 for the price of 1!)~~

God gave me (AND YOU) so many stories and gifts and talents to share with the world, why limit ourselves to our outer appearance?!

If I was given two minutes to talk about myself (who I am, what makes me come alive, what I'm proud of) I would never, ever talk about my looks. Whether it be a job interview, a talent show, or some random hypothetical situation that I just made up to kind of prove a point, I wouldn't. I don't think you would either. What would you even say? My skin is super poreless. And my facial features? Oh, they're symmetrical. I can already see the people scheming to egg your house while you're asleep. But the reason I wouldn't is not just to avoid an egged house, or because I don't think it's true, but because I have so many other great qualities and stories that I have to talk about. I hope you do, too! And if you don't, start there. Start grabbing onto things that make you come alive and make you proud, and let go of that ridiculous voice in your head pressuring you to look like someone you're not.

Because that's all it is. RIDICULOUS. Tina Fey said it best.

"I think the first real change in women's body image came when JLo turned it butt-style. That was the first time that having a large-scale situation in the back was part of mainstream American beauty. Girls wanted butts now. Men were free to admit that they had always enjoyed them. And then, what felt like moments later, boom - Beyonce brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes were beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I'm totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. [...] The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling."

End quote. (P.s. That book is on Amazon for $4.99 right now! Do yourself a favor and read it. "Bossypants" by Tina Fey. You're welcome.)

Anyway, I hope you hear what I'm saying. I think beauty is great. I think it's human to want to be beautiful and to want to be seen. I'll take it even one step further. I think it's from God that we want to be beautiful and we want to be seen. But it was also a need that is meant to be filled by God and God alone.

And what does God says about beauty?

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. - PSALM 139:14

God says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. (: Do you believe that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and that the only eyes that matter are the Lord's? I hope so because it's true. It's a truth that I'm still digesting and praying for more of each day.

You are the object of his affection. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Declare that truth today and allow yourself to believe it! And watch that truth transform your life.

* I whipped up a desktop so we can be reminded of this daily. I just made it mine! (:

DOWNLOAD INSTRUCTIONS: Right click on the image below and click on "open in new tab." This will give you access to the image's full size. Once you are there, right click + save, or directly drag it onto your desktop. Then, make it your wallpaper! 1, 2, 3! (:

reading the ot : why grace is so sweet

Saturday, June 15, 2013

[ exodus and leviticus ]

Since last month, I've been going through the OT. Started in Genesis, now I'm almost done with Numbers. (< to be read as "started from the bottom, now we here). Just kidding. I mentioned in an earlier post that I was learning a lot and I decided to share what the Lord is revealing to me as I read each book. Starting with exodus and leviticus. (:

in a nut shell: (exodus) God declares the ten commandments as well as a very extensive code of conduct by which the people must obtain in order to keep the promise land pure and pleasing to Him. (leviticus) God explains the practices and rituals that must occur in order to abstain from and compensate sin. And the harsh consequences if they were to disobey. And boy, there's a lot.

After reading 7+ chapters a day about which part of the animal is pleasing to the Lord, how many times to flicker blood at a curtain, and the specifics of what a robe should look like, I was EXHAUSTED. Exhausted and exhausted — and pretty bored. There are several instances when God strikes down people because they disobey, and each time I read that, I make a face. "No, my God would never do that..." I got this impression that God was petty and difficult, and I didn't see why this was relevant to me. So, I wrestled... and wrestled, and wrestled. I would read, wrestle, read, wrestle. Rinse and repeat. (I could have just said I wrestled a lot, but I didn't think that quite hit the mark of what this wrestling looked like.)

Then I realized I was asking myself the question: is sin really THAT big of a deal? Is it that bad that God would just cold knock out people... because of a, because of a technicality foul? And I think the moment that phrase formed into a complete sentence and left my mouth, I knew my answer. And I knew why I couldn't see the relevance. And I knew I needed to repent.

Reading those chapters was exhausting because God exhausted every code of conduct and ritual... because sin WAS that much of a big deal. It was so much of a big deal that He needed to send his only son to save us all from it. And I didn't see that.

If you're like me, then at the first glance (and maybe the second and third, too) the OT seems outdated and stale. And you're right, your walk and growth is not of the OT, but it is certainly not void of it. In order to appreciate and understand Jesus' crucifixion, and why the grace came out of it is so sweet, you need to know what it looked like before grace. How can you call news good when you don't know what news bad looks like?

And this, this is surely good news.

A friend of mine once painted this illustration about a baby eating really good food. Let's call the food steak because I really like steak. Sure, the baby can enjoy the steak (because it's steak, and who doesn't enjoy steak), but the baby doesn't know just quite how GOOD that steak is, because he hasn't acquired a palette to appreciate and discern yet.

In a similar way, I am like that baby. I live and walk in grace, but do I fully know what that costed? Am I thankful for freedom because I "like" it the way the baby likes steak, or am I thankful because I understand what I am free from? God struck down those people in the OT because He HATED sin. And God is a God who doesn't change, He STILL hates sin. But what did change was that He didn't want us to just compensate and cover our sin with sacrifices and practices, but He sacrificed his son so that he could cleanse our sin. Once and for all. Now God looks at me (and you!) and sees someone pleasing to His eye.

Each day, the gospel is meaning a little something different for me. I pray daily that the cross will be relevant and real, and not just in my faith and growth in an arbitrary way, but specifically and exactly for what THAT day entails. Both the little and big.

More gospel, please.