It's been three days since I've been home, and each day has looked a little different so far. I don't feel that busy but somehow time is moving by so fast. (It probably doesn't help that I'm sleeping through large chunks of the day, too. lolz)
I stopped at one point today to ask myself, "I wonder what 'post-missions' will look like on day 10. Will I just have compromised in more areas? Will I love God more or less? Will I even still be talking about Japan?" And it made me wonder what this time of "post-missions" really even is. I don't know, but I know what I don't want it to be.
I don't want it to be where I'm always walking one step toward sin, and one step further from a pure life in Japan. I don't want to believe that Japan was the best of times, and each day is just anticipating lukewarm faith... And I don't think God wants that either. I want to believe that God is still working. He is infinite; He didn't exhaust his blessings or promises in one month. He is generous; He is always waiting to pour out to His children. He is big; He surpasses time and place and doesn't stop based on time-zone. I'm praying, for myself and for my teammates, that we will not be content with daily 30-minute QTs and old blessings, but that God will continue to reveal Himself to us this summer in even bigger, more intimate, and more exciting ways! God doesn't just save souls or answer prayers in Japan, but here, too.
One thing God taught me in Japan was that every choice I made was significant. During prayer time, I could choose to fall asleep or fight to pray. I could choose to seek peoples' approvals or seek God's. I could choose to pretend I am strong or admit I am weak. I could choose to believe in works or believe in grace... Every choice mattered because in the end, I think it always just boiled down to the same one: myself or Jesus.
I love that the lessons and blessings I received in Japan still have ripple effects now, because today, I was reminded of that same lesson. As I tried to imagine day 10, I thought, "man, if this is the rate I am going, day 10 just doesn't look so good for me..." That fear led me to dissect and evaluate why. If I intend to do well, why can't that sustain me? And I realized, that good intentions are not enough; because life is not an accumulation of intentions we have, but the choices we make and actions we take.
Today..
I intended to write my testimony, but I didn't.
I intended to clean my room, but I didn't.
I intended to wake up early, but I didn't.
I had all of these great intentions, but in the end, I go to bed tonight with an unwritten testimony, a messy room, and a poor sleep schedule. It is not enough to have good intentions, I must choose to act.
And I think that — small choices and actions — will make the world of a difference from now until day 10. I think that will make a world of a difference to experiencing more of God and not experiencing Him. I cannot just intend to have a deeper relationship with God, I must meet Him daily in prayer and in the word, I must be willing to sacrifice and obey. And I think that's the difference between home and missions sometimes, that we choose to do our devotional. There is no magic spell or formula, it's an accumulation of choices made. (Plus a wholeeee lotttaa prayer, but das a different story.)
I stopped at one point today to ask myself, "I wonder what 'post-missions' will look like on day 10. Will I just have compromised in more areas? Will I love God more or less? Will I even still be talking about Japan?" And it made me wonder what this time of "post-missions" really even is. I don't know, but I know what I don't want it to be.
I don't want it to be where I'm always walking one step toward sin, and one step further from a pure life in Japan. I don't want to believe that Japan was the best of times, and each day is just anticipating lukewarm faith... And I don't think God wants that either. I want to believe that God is still working. He is infinite; He didn't exhaust his blessings or promises in one month. He is generous; He is always waiting to pour out to His children. He is big; He surpasses time and place and doesn't stop based on time-zone. I'm praying, for myself and for my teammates, that we will not be content with daily 30-minute QTs and old blessings, but that God will continue to reveal Himself to us this summer in even bigger, more intimate, and more exciting ways! God doesn't just save souls or answer prayers in Japan, but here, too.
One thing God taught me in Japan was that every choice I made was significant. During prayer time, I could choose to fall asleep or fight to pray. I could choose to seek peoples' approvals or seek God's. I could choose to pretend I am strong or admit I am weak. I could choose to believe in works or believe in grace... Every choice mattered because in the end, I think it always just boiled down to the same one: myself or Jesus.
I love that the lessons and blessings I received in Japan still have ripple effects now, because today, I was reminded of that same lesson. As I tried to imagine day 10, I thought, "man, if this is the rate I am going, day 10 just doesn't look so good for me..." That fear led me to dissect and evaluate why. If I intend to do well, why can't that sustain me? And I realized, that good intentions are not enough; because life is not an accumulation of intentions we have, but the choices we make and actions we take.
Today..
I intended to write my testimony, but I didn't.
I intended to clean my room, but I didn't.
I intended to wake up early, but I didn't.
I had all of these great intentions, but in the end, I go to bed tonight with an unwritten testimony, a messy room, and a poor sleep schedule. It is not enough to have good intentions, I must choose to act.
And I think that — small choices and actions — will make the world of a difference from now until day 10. I think that will make a world of a difference to experiencing more of God and not experiencing Him. I cannot just intend to have a deeper relationship with God, I must meet Him daily in prayer and in the word, I must be willing to sacrifice and obey. And I think that's the difference between home and missions sometimes, that we choose to do our devotional. There is no magic spell or formula, it's an accumulation of choices made. (Plus a wholeeee lotttaa prayer, but das a different story.)
